मैं थक गयी हूँ (I am tired)

I have been ten different kinds of burnt out of late.

I’m planning this trip, gearing up to move back into my parents at the end of this month,* continuing to attempt to learn Hindi, helping plan S & R (which is next weekend) and applying to graduate programs. To compound everything, I’m working a fair amount of over time – which is good, because it goes into the Feed Amy in 2011 Fund, but it’s bad because hell, I need to work on all of the above. I’m also functioning on little sleep – usually, five hours a night is fine, but not when I managed to accrue a bit of a sleep debt last weekend that I have been unable to work off.

So, I’m exhausted. Hindi isn’t going very well. I’ve reached an initial stalling point where I don’t feel like I’ve really learned anything new lately and I’ve been too busy or tired to really focus on it as I should be. Which then gets me thinking about how many of my life goals involve knowing another language and wondering if I will ever really reach that point. Thoughts along the lines of maybe I should just scrap all of those life goals and reach for something that doesn’t require quite so much bloody work to even get to a baseline that my peers in the field have already obtained.

I’ve submitted two of the three applications to graduate programs I’m pretty certain I won’t get into and even if I do, I don’t know how I’ll afford. I’m almost done though, and then I can forget about it and focus on the next step, the next thing on my list, the next card I want holding in my hand after this trip. While we play the cards we’re dealt, I’m trying to prep the deck as much as possible. Maybe weigh the dice a bit.
You do what you have to do to live the life you want to live.

People have asked me lately how I manage to do everything that I find myself doing. In addition to not (usually) needing a lot of sleep, the short answer is: one thing at a time. The moment I start doing things like making the above list of everything that needs to get done in the next two weeks I flail a little.

Regarding my previous entry, I did in fact email Volunteer HQ and say that I didn’t want to do the orientation, which means I have almost a whole month in Nepal.

I’m also contemplating doing something even more crazy than paragliding/trekking in Nepal (!) that would cut a few weeks off of my volunteer time at the beginning of the trip. Nothing official yet, as I’m working on convincing itinerantics that he should be a part of this insanity. So I’ll keep you posted. If I can’t convince him, maybe I can convince someone else to meet me in South India and do something so insane that when you tell your kids about it twenty years from now they’ll grumble about how why can’t you be that cool now.
And then brag about you to their friends behind your back.

* Saves money on six weeks worth of rent and means I don’t have to move during the holidays or two weeks before I leave the country.

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